For some people, aloneness is chronic. They have experienced very lonely lives and haven’t had many experiences of the opposite. For this situation, an adjustment of consciousness must happen on a deep level. Childhood issues, as usual, are most likely an influence and must be examined. Even if the origins of the “tragic loner” are rooted in the childhood, this does not have to remain your state of being.

Willingness to be hurt again must be embraced. Loneliness is often a result of being unwilling to risk hurt, since it was experienced already and seemed unbearable. A lonely person has usually walled the world out for some reason. You must be willing to feel pain again, for it is inevitable as long as you are a human. Everything changes, and relationships are the least guaranteed to remain harmonic and seamless! You might as well assume that if you invite a relationship into your life, you will experience pain again in some way, whether it is through rejection, betrayal, abandonment, or whatever the pattern was that was so unpleasant. Yes, it will happen again while you grow out of this patterning. However, you can now know yourself as eternal self that is not destroyed or even damaged by any experience, not even another “failed” relationship. No experience is to be feared, for you are so much more than the human condition you thought you were. Every experience is something that comes and goes, and you outlast and survive them all, even death.

Some feel that they are too damaged to engage with others, that their own personality is to blame. Your own personality will get you in trouble because it is faulty. This may be true. You may need to develop better social skills. There is no other way to improve than to keep associating with humans until you learn how to mingle peacefully. It can be a bumpy road of learning, with ups and downs, betrayals and failures, but you might as well get on with it if it is what is in front of you in this lifetime. It is better than remaining in the safe stagnancy of loneliness, where you can’t be hurt by others. However, the prison of loneliness itself that you have erected is what is now hurting you. Loneliness is not keeping you safe from pain, it is exacerbating the pain. Perhaps it is better to be hurt by other people than by loneliness. At least it is more interesting! In order to awaken, you will have to go through the highs and lows in life. There is no way to avoid them, not even in loneliness. Loneliness is one long, dull low rather than intense highs and lows.

Be willing to be hurt again. You will survive! It is necessary to take the risk in order to move on and not stagnate into a lonely life. A lonely life does not need to be your fate, it is not destiny. All you must do is change your inner landscape in order to have a different life.

The first adjustment for overcoming loneliness is to let others into your life. Loneliness did not “happen to you.” You created it by shutting others out. Developing trust for the world and others is not what is required. The world and others cannot be trusted to act perfectly all the time with enlightened behavior. Others will definitely let you down. They are human. You must be willing to accept that. No one can deliver happiness to you. You must give it to yourself. It is always available, and does not elude you. You simply must bring your awareness to it.

If you are focused on the lack of company in your life, this will definitely dampen any moments of joy that you might be missing right under your nose! Your happiness should not be dependent on the behavior of others. Happiness is a state of mind, no matter what others are doing. Learn how to enjoy your own company, for someone who exudes loneliness does not attract others into his or her life. Let yourself engage in the world, mingle with the other humans, and risk love and failure, happiness and sadness, success and failure, and be lonely no more. You can survive it all. You must engage in life if you don’t want to be alone.

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