Communication Skills
(This is an excerpt from a University Of Metaphysical Sciences course at www.umsonline.org,
please feel free to visit the school website)
Communication Skills
Written by Margaret Branch
Introduction
Self-Investigation & Self Inquiry
Self-Expression
Listening Skills
Validation
Resolution Techniques
Spiritual Resolution Techniques
Bibliography
Introduction
The improvement of interpersonal communication skills is integral to the healing of our planet in these fragmented, complex times. The individual must heal the spirit inside before the spirit of humanity is healed. Good communication is very important to our survival as well as our evolutionary progress. However, improving how we communicate must be practiced regularly to learn how to bridge the gulf of our emotional differences. In order to break through the defenses that have been built around our different perspectives, it is necessary to actively cultivate increased sensitivity to the needs of all humanity on both a spiritual and a practical level in the arena of communication. It is of utmost importance that the metaphysical practitioner, minister and spiritual leaders of our community lead the way in achieving a highly functioning ability to communicate with each other in a way that serves to enhance society. The spiritual teacher must lead by example, so communication skills are a must for the metaphysician.
Since the latter half of the 20th Century, the focus on the improvement of interpersonal communication has emerged in many arenas of social interaction. The early encounter groups of the 1960's have led to a diversity of procedures for enhancing communication in general. Among these are many kinds of events, from weekend retreats concerning trust-building for business executives in order to increase productivity; to trained but informal mediation sessions offered for groups that work together; and various opportunities to learn more effective people-management skills. The concept of conflict resolution and the emergence of catch phrases such as 'win-win outcome' is becoming familiar. In our modern society the emphasis on these activities is important, for as contemporary psychiatrist M. Scott Peck declares in his book on community-building A Different Drum (1987), "Trapped in our traditions of rugged individualism, we are an extraordinarily lonely people... [we operate] behind masks of makeup, masks of pretense, masks of composure." This unfortunate condition has led to the sad reality of continuously hostile work environments and has contributed to personal alienation in relationships of all types.
There are many methods for improving communication and acquiring handy spiritual tools, and it is difficult to make evaluations about which are most effective. This course will touch on the similarities between some of the various approaches, but it will begin by exploring the significance of investigating the emotional sources of our automatic behavioral responses. For it is only through the process of such self-discovery that we can better achieve lasting change and true spiritual growth.
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Self-Investigation & Self Inquiry
We might start by asking the question: Besides learning better communication through formulated skills, how can we make deep-seated spiritual changes in our immediate response behavior? Most importantly, we need to have knowledge of the underlying reasons for our defense-coping mechanisms, which have been in place and have served us for a long time. Without the willingness to investigate their source, our emotions will keep those mechanisms active and interfere with establishing healthier patterns of response. There are various methods to help us investigate, and following are some fairly recent approaches.
A new derivation from traditional Cognitive Psychology is called Schema Therapy. It describes our emotional make-up as one that is being propelled unconsciously by thought constructs called Schemas. These thought constructs were formulated in childhood, and they essentially consist of feeling-based reactions to disturbing situations. Therefore, we have the same emotional reactions to painful circumstances in our lives that remind us of past traumatic events as we did then. Schemas are memory-based feelings stored in the mind as specific groups of distorted truths that we believed when we were young, dictated by whatever painful circumstances caused us to feel "wrong," powerless, or inadequate in the first instances of our lives. In this way, they are very primal and strong in our psyches.
In her book Emotional Alchemy (2001), Tara Bennett-Goleman explains that Schemas are most likely activated in times of communication difficulties. She writes, "When we experience an intensely disturbing feeling, there is a surge of messages from the amygdala, a center deep in the emotional brain that drives the prefrontal areas." The area corresponding to the amygdala lies next to the hippocampus, which is a part of the brain associated with memory and helps us to remember what we have learned about any situation, including appropriate responses. When we are faced with a stimulus that triggers strong emotions, our immediate and habitual responses are really memory-based feelings of what is "right" or "wrong" in the situation that seems to mirror the past. In normal brain function the hippocampus works in conjunction with the amygdala, where our emotional memories scan all that we experience, but the responses coming from the amygdala are purely habitual and limited to what has been learned through repetition. In addition, Bennett-Goleman notes that the amygdala "reaches its conclusions much, much faster in brain time than do the more rational circuits in the thinking brain." The healing component of Schema Therapy is to learn to compassionately investigate our feelings when they arise through external triggers. This process helps us fully remember the events of the past, and to begin reframing the distortions from a different perspective. But we are often confused with the rapidity with which we experience turbulent feelings. We don't have time to slow down enough to sort out our emotions, much less focus on them, unless we practice mindfulness.
In her book mentioned above, Bennett-Goleman describes mindfulness as "distraction-resistant, sustained attention to the movements of the mind itself." Through continued practice, this can become a habitual way of steadily observing our feelings right at the time that they are erupting. Mindfulness allows a deeper investigation of the moment than ordinary attention, and encourages the emergence of clarity. In addition, by this sensitive and careful attention to the feelings, we engage in the use of the prefrontal lobes, which neurologically helps us to diminish the intensity of the feelings. In this process, further memories of emotional events can be allowed to surface for in-depth exploration at the spiritual, mental and emotional levels.
A form of specialized interpersonal communication that uses some of the concepts from Schema Therapy has been practiced by the author of this paper, and it is known informally as Congruent Communication. This method was experienced predominantly in process-oriented, spiritual community-building groups that were recently living together in urban housing locales. As a form, it demonstrates how something like mindfulness can be elicited, even though it is not labeled as such. The basis for communicating in this way is by sustaining the focus on relating to one another in a truly authentic manner, and it is regarded as a valuable component of community.
In Congruent Communication, the psychological space is created as a deliberate arena for dialogue between people. This may mean that an optimal time for dialogue is chosen, free from distractions. Two or more persons having an interpersonal conflict can participate, but it is agreed upon ahead of time to engage the type of attention that has been described above regarding mindfulness. This essentially means that free expression of feelings, as well as the opportunity to trace them to their origins, is encouraged for all involved. Ideally, equal time is allotted to do this. (In practice, when dialoguing in this manner is not producing betterment, there can be a gathering of others in the larger community to create a 'Forum.' In this way, the input of empathetic but emotionally uninvolved people has the potential to bring about resolution).
Since Congruent Communication allows each participant to express their feelings in depth with ample time for disclosure, one of the ground rules is to become as 'transparent' as possible, trusting that it is safe to do so. As past traumas surface, questions are asked about feelings from those times and how they might relate to the present. In this way, the goal is for participants to break through their defense mechanisms under the open invitation of others. The main difficulty is that people under stress may not be able to create a perfect atmosphere of trust and emotional safety, or have the skill necessary to facilitate the deeper, repressed feelings of anger that may surface. However, this form of communication is a step forward in acknowledging deeper aspects of the self in the process of learning to communicate.
Many have rightly observed and experienced that the risk of disclosing ourselves to others makes us vulnerable, which we resist. Although our coping defense mechanisms may keep us from better communication, we tend to hold on to them if they seem useful in keeping us "psychologically intact." Yet, our challenge is to determine what behaviors no longer serve us because the outcome is not what we ultimately desire. At the spiritual level, holding on to old behaviors that no longer serve us is synonymous with spiritual stagnation. The discovery of distorted truths and their origins may come as a surprising revelation when we investigate feelings; however, the process of uncovering them does not necessarily mean we can successfully re-frame the truth at that particular time. More than likely, these associations will be painful enough to necessitate much self-compassion and taking the time to work through them.
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Self-Expression
The process of learning to communicate more effectively while accepting the risk of vulnerability is interestingly addressed in a relatively new method called Non Violent Communication, or NVC for short. NVC is currently enjoying much popularity because of its wide range of application, and has been presented to the public in recent years by a man named Marshall Rosenberg. Trained workshop leaders in NVC offer these techniques for low prices or donations, and Rosenberg's book Non-Violent Communication: A Language Of Compassion (1999 ) is recommended, but not required reading to take a workshop. Through various handouts of worksheets and exercises, the participants in an NVC group learn new ways of regarding the dynamics of conflict, and personal experience from several workshops is shared by this author.
The central theme in NVC is that all of our emotional needs matter equally, and all of us have the same needs. Identifying our core needs and a strategy to get them met (as well as helping the other to meet their needs) becomes the main focus. The challenge is for us to go through our "layers" so that the needs are recognizable to us, versus staying focused on the reasons for disagreement. It is often said by spiritual workshop leaders that what we disagree on is strategies, not needs.
NVC is also a system whereby we can learn to express ourselves emotionally and formulate requests in ways that work specifically toward conflict resolution at the time of dialoguing. By searching for agreement on ways to meet our needs, we conserve a sense of personal power, and it is easier to risk becoming vulnerable when we feel permitted to acknowledge our needs. Knowing we can be "heard" rather than thinking that we will "simply have to compromise" in resolving a situation is more of an incentive to risk disclosure. As well, the emphasis on meeting needs in NVC promotes compassionate connection by considering what the other person's underlying needs might be in the situation.
To address the challenge of identifying deeper emotional needs in the midst of stressful conflict, there are certain key points in NVC. To help us isolate our needs, we are encouraged to focus on observing the feelings, and to keep away from the common tendency to evaluate or judge the situation/issue in terms of who is right or how unfair it might be. This is a new way of thinking for many of us, and it requires practice so that we can see how we automatically judge issues in a conflict. Thus it is encouraged in NVC workshops that people form practice groups, using role-playing, so that others can help us detect our tendencies to do this.
When we go through the process of asking ourselves how we are feeling in the midst of a conflict, we can begin to see how the feelings point to the underlying needs. In NVC workshops there are distributed lists of emotional needs associated with feelings, which are studied and referred to often. The List Of Needs has several categories. Grouped under the Need for Connection, for example, are needs such as Acceptance, Consideration, Support, etc.; under the Need for Autonomy there is Choice, Spontaneity, Independence; under the Need for Physical Well-Being is Safety, Sexual Expression, Touch; and so forth. In using NVC, we become conditioned to asking ourselves, as well as the other person, "if we are feeling a certain way because our need (for whatever we are lacking) is not being met."
The process of asking questions regarding feelings and needs (both of the other person and ourselves) in the above-mentioned way is one of the main components of NVC; however, it seems formulaic and difficult to do, at first. Expressing ourselves in this way is therefore reinforced in spiritually focused practice groups so that it can become more automatic. As well, we can refine questions to our way of speaking, so that it becomes more natural. For example, if someone is upset because we are not able to commit to a travel plan, we can ask them if they are feeling frustrated because they need to count on having an itinerary, rather than asking if they are feeling angry because their need for predictability is not being met. Saying it this way can suggest an underlying need that the other person may want to clarify, but the attempt to understand what the need may be is appreciated, and can help diffuse the emotional charge.
NVC has been described as a language of strategy for fostering compassionate connection between people. This objective is achieved by striving to observe ourselves and the situation in a non-evaluative way, and by expressing genuine human emotional, mental and spiritual needs. In this regard, it is important to distinguish what feeling-words are being used in expressing oneself. For example, there is a difference between saying that one feels disrespected rather than feeling frustrated, angry, or sad. Being disrespected implies judgment of the other person's action, and it takes the focus away from what universal need is not being met.
A similar effort to reduce blaming can be found in more traditional psychological approaches which encourage us to use "I Statements" versus "You Statements," which focus on faulting the behavior, and not the perpetrator of that behavior. However, NVC cuts through a lot of red tape when one is taught to say, "I feel annoyed because I need support" rather than "I feel annoyed because you didn't do the dishes." In NVC, the goal is not only about avoiding emotional intensity, but also about taking responsibility for those emotions by connecting them to our needs, which changes the picture considerably.
John Gray is a popular therapist specializing in interpersonal communication, especially between the sexes. In describing the problems people have in communicating, he speaks of the difference between expressing emotions and information. In his book Mars And Venus On A Date (1997), Gray writes, "we are trained to express information that assumes those close to us will understand and acknowledge what we feel." It is true that we have been generally conditioned to directly address issues rather than feelings around the issues as a way to communicate. The reality is that expressing information in this way will very likely raise immediate defenses, because even if it is done in innocence, it creates the burden of projected expectations. The implication that the other person "should have known" can be perceived as accusing them of their lack of responsibility, especially as the issue itself may catch the other person entirely by surprise. Starting a dialogue in this way, therefore, can be very counterproductive.
According to Gray, a more effective approach is to express the emotions that we feel based on the occurrence of something specific. It is further recommended that the stage be set ahead of time by an opening statement that is essentially neutral but addresses general feelings. For example, as an opener one might state that they are concerned about a situation, and pause. When the psychological space is offered by such a preparatory statement, it gives the other person a chance to adjust their energy, and a tone for dialoguing is established that can follow this format.
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Listening Skills
Improving how we relate to others by examining our emotional reactions and learning new methods of self-expression can do much to help our communication skills. However, these methods cannot be very effective without cultivating the art of listening. As a skill, learning how to listen is a strong component of many approaches for improving communication. NVC sums it up by the observation that in dialogue, instead of truly listening, the other person is busy preparing their response. Putting aside our personal agenda in times of conflict so that we can be receptive to the other person's needs is not a natural process for most of us, but it can be learned.
A remarkable system of communication currently popular in political grassroots peace-making projects is known as Compassionate Listening. Based on a spiritual platform, it was founded by a Quaker activist named Gene Hoffman, and is a powerful tool for reconciliation by its emphasis on withholding judgments. It invites us to replace those judgments with compassion for our fellow humans, no matter how different they may seem to be from us. The premise lies in the acknowledgement that if we could see ourselves living another person's life, we might have made the same choices. This can lead to a profound shift in personal perspective and allows us to relate with basic human understanding. Cultural differences then become secondary, and resolution is more possible.
Compassionate Listening offers insights into new ways of human relationship in line with our evolutionary development. Carol Hwoschinsky is a therapist and mediator who uses the tools from Compassionate Listening. She writes in her article in the Sentient Times, "Healing The World From The Inside Out" (2004), that because of the evolution of our nervous system and brain, we are "no longer bound by [the fight-orflight] conditioned response... we are able to delay action when we are threatened or alarmed. We have the ability to observe ourselves more objectively and can monitor our actions in the present moment."
Perhaps it is because of this increased ability, due to evolution, to delay our response that we can assimilate innovative methods such as Non-Violent Communication, which focuses on practicing empathy. Empathy is deliberately practiced in NVC by guessing the other's feelings and needs, striving to understand rather than necessarily "get it right." To be able to remove the focus on our agenda and take the time to investigate the other's emotional concerns is sufficient for a remarkable shift in energy to occur, and it allows us to be truly compassionate in that delayed reaction space. When we practice self-empathy, we listen inwardly to connect with our own feelings and needs, and then we can choose to either express ourselves to others or receive them with empathy.
Scientific findings applied to Compassionate Listening concur. For instance, recent research on the heart reveals new information on its direct effect upon the brain and on perception. In Hwoschinsky's article mentioned above, she notes the remarkable fact that "sixty to sixty-five percent of the heart's cells are actually neural cells, identical to those in the brain [and this] indicates that the heart is a major center of intelligence in human beings." Therefore, focusing on heart-centered emotions of empathy and compassion allows our brain to be engaged-as well as all other organs of the body-in positive ways. In addition, better physical health is the result of loving thoughts about ourselves and others. It becomes a process that feeds upon itself. For as we mitigate feelings of judgment and anxiety for our personal well-being, we are able to truly put ourselves in others' emotional shoes.
A similar approach to the importance of listening can be found in what is called Syntonic Listening. Suzette Elgin, Ph.D., describes this kind of listening in her book Staying Well With The Gentle Art of Self Defense (1990), as "tuning yourself to the person speaking and giving the person the kind of total attention that allows you to maintain the in-tune state." She goes on to list the barriers to the ability to practice Syntonic Listening, and they include many things. Among them are: thinking about another subject while the other person is speaking; thinking about how "wrong" the speaker is, or how badly he/she may be saying something; rehearsing what it is we want to say; etc.
In her book, Elgin goes on to quote Dr. James Lynch of University Of Maryland Medical School about some medical discoveries regarding the practice of listening. Apparently, subjects that were monitored while engaging in Syntonic Listening demonstrated a drop in their blood pressure and a drop in their heart rate. Conversely, talking about random subjects raised blood pressure and heart rate. Thus, for people unable to tolerate blood pressure medicine, the value of learning to become focused and attuned listeners is significant. Regardless of whether we cultivate it or not, the art of being able to listen empathetically is not foreign to us. We are all more or less able to be in these modes based on our immediate experience; more optimally when we are not being emotionally challenged. Dr. Marisue Pickering, a University of Maine researcher, identifies some characteristics of listening empathetically, and they include aspects that have been mentioned above. However, she discovered that there are personal predilections in people that will make them more naturally able to listen empathetically. The salient characteristics that emerge in the naturally empathetic listener has, as a basis, the innate desire to be directed more toward others and their personal experience than one's own in the moment of absorbing information about them. A sense of self-security and true curiosity about others is important in keeping the empathetic listener from automatically projecting their own experience onto another. As well, the tendency to be non-defensive in general is listed, and the ability to listen as a receiver rather than a critic.
To illustrate, in her research article in the journal Explorations, "Communication" (1986), Pickering defines the naturally empathetic listener as one who is able to "imagine the roles, perspectives or experiences of the other, rather than assuming they are the same as one's own." She suggests how to cultivate a skill in empathetic listening that is very useful in this practice. This consists of being very attentive to our perceptions, and checking throughout the conversation to see if they are accurate and valid. To facilitate this, other skills would be engaged. These would include offering supportive response to the speaker through re-statement or paraphrasing, reflecting feelings that may have been intuited by the listener, and asking non-judgmental, clarifying questions.
As far as clarification goes, it is important to point out that we often make what seem to be reasonable and innocent assumptions about what another person is saying, only to discover later that an entire conversation has taken place with different understandings. The art of interpreting what another is saying, or offering a tentative interpretation about the other's feelings, desires or meanings, during the conversation will help us to become aware of our assumptions and where we stand. Offering the other person time to think as well as to talk is also a very important skill that Pickering mentions.
To build upon the importance of good listening skills, the community-building groups mentioned earlier valued and practiced a technique which is described below. In practicing deep communication during times of conflict, it was encouraged that one be allowed to express their feelings, as was described previously. However, in order to help the other person openly receive intense feelings, a construct for perceiving this process differently was offered. This new perspective, studied at group meetings, was informally labeled Non-Judgmental
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Validation
The concept of Non-Judgmental Validation encourages active group support for people who are currently targets of personal complaints by helping them understand and agree to some ground rules. These are as follows: most importantly, the group is there to help them believe that it is definitely possible to listen to a complainant without any judgment of the situation in the moment, if it is done deliberately. Further, it is important to understand that withholding judgment does not automatically mean that the one being complained against is "wrong" or "conceding victory" (which was assumed in childhood when we could not effectively respond to authority figures). The group supports the listener's ego in wanting to defend itself; yet patience is encouraged to delay this process long enough to investigate deeper aspects that may surface. Although we have been conditioned to defend ourselves fast, in order to preclude the other person "getting the upper hand," it is possible that by listening attentively and waiting, our opinions might change drastically as unexpected aspects are revealed.
Something almost magical can happen with this type of process. By inviting the complainant be to vented and asking for further clarification, enough validation can occur so as to immediately promote a more relaxed and trusting energetic shift. Sometimes, the conflict can even be resolved rather speedily by the complainants themselves-including admission of their own need to change-because they have been freely allowed to disclose their emotional landscape. This surprising turn of events is the result of their feeling secure in themselves based on the compassion and encouragement that is present in the listener.
Indeed, as David Lieberman points out in his book Make Peace With Anyone (2002), the empathetic listener is advised to actively engage in "paraphrasing what to you've just been told to crystallize [the] complaint and to show that you have been listening and you understand." The next step, according to him, is to try to help restore the speaker's self-respect by asking for their opinion, or even a favor. This will be very effective in balancing the energy towards harmony, and this sets the stage toward resolution. Lieberman's philosophy is that a person is always more tractable and willing to negotiate when they feel they have some measure of control, and do not feel discounted.
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Resolution Techniques
The emphasis on empathy and respect as important aspects of effective negotiation has been endorsed by many of the methods described above. Moving toward resolution in specific ways that reflect this emphasis is a large part of the language of Non-Violent Communication. In NVC, resolution goals are approached by teaching us to frame both "connection and solution requests." To foster connection with another person there are many things we can ask of them, ranging from the subtle to the concrete. For example, we can make requests for feedback on what we just said (in a paraphrased form) and how the other person feels about it. Questions phrased in the format of "would you be willing to listen to my experience, and share your understanding of my feelings and needs" promote clarification toward a solution. Once again, practicing and refining the format to become a natural way of speaking is essential, as has been discussed previously.
Concrete requests are about asking for specific things that we want, but always in a way that offers the other person free choice regarding the giving of those things. Therefore, these requests should not only begin with asking if the person is willing to act in some fashion, but should also have other aspects. The request should be "doable," to be done soon or immediately, and stated positively. The request, essentially, should concern itself with what you DO want rather than what you don't want. While this may be harder to pinpoint, it is more accessible. For example, rather than asking a person to promise not to be late again, one can ask if they are willing to meet at the agreed-upon time for the very next appointment. This method of presenting the request affords the other person a ready chance to perform, if he agrees. In addition, it may allow him to feel less at fault for having chronically been late.
However, if the answer is not in the affirmative, then the course is set for further dialogue, leading once again to some kind of connection request. It is important, in this case, to be aware of being vulnerable to rejection. The habitual response might be to go directly into judgments and make demands. Therefore, this is a good time to practice self-empathy, and to ask ourselves what needs are not getting met as we deal with rejection (as well as how it impacts the other person's needs).
By using and implementing the ideas that have been presented, resolution techniques based upon investigating our personal needs can be customized to specific types of conflicts. As David Lieberman points out in Make Peace With Anyone (2002), there are basically four responses to dealing with conflict:. These can be summarized as co-dependent capitulation, retreating avoidance, angry defiance, or acceptance. It is the mode of acceptance that creates the most effective arena for conflict resolution, but it may take time and patience to reach such a state. Identifying in the moment with the needs of someone with whom we are in conflict is not something that comes easily to us. Yet, ultimately it is this very process that contributes toward producing good resolution with an opponent. By learning to identify our own emotional needs, we can learn to be more sensitive to others' needs. Listening skills help us to do this more effectively, as well as becoming aware of our tendencies to make assumptions. When we are able to step outside ourselves more easily, we can begin to see the situation more broadly as our differences fall away.
As we evolve toward a global community, the sense of being less separate from one another is emerging. While we are all unique in our histories and personal environmental influences, there is more recognition of our human commonality that can help us communicate with one another. However, the stress of modern society and its alienating forces are working counterproductively to bring out frustrations and hostilities in many people. These reactions are essentially symptomatic of collective fear. As we take time to focus on cooperation and try to understand the things that divide and isolate us, we can begin to have faith that better communication will be a healing process. Even if we only bring these insights into our most immediate spheres of influence, the ripples of change will widen to accommodate larger arenas. The process of discovering our deeper life motivations and how we respond to them is essential to the improvement of communication skills. Through understanding ourselves in these ways, we can learn to appreciate the paths that others walk and how to effectively share the experience of living together.
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Spiritual Resolution Techniques
(added by Christine Breese, D.D., Ph.D.)
Communication can happen on many levels, not just through verbal conversation, or body language. Communication can happen in the unseen worlds and translate into physical reality in surprising ways. For instance, the conversation you wish you could have with a problematic person, in physical reality, might best be had at the soul level in your meditations. Amazingly, these communications are "heard" by the other person, and responses to these communications are possible, even though the other person may or may not understand why he or she suddenly sees, and has compassion for, your point of view.
The first thing to do in a conflict is to recognize that each of you are God. Neither is "more God than the other," and neither person has a monopoly on the understanding of what is right and wrong. In your meditations, stretch yourself to the point of recognizing the other person as God, rather than the enemy, or someone who is simply "wrong." Realize that the battle taking place between you and other people, or another person, is a battle that is taking place within God. Recognizing each person as an extension of your own self, God, makes it easier to communicate in ways that are respectful and might bring about positive resolutions.
A conflict can be solved simply by putting light and love around the situation or the relationship, putting light between you and the other person, or between you and a business. You could think of this as if surrounding the situation and the people involved with whatever color light or type of light you think might help. You have inner knowledge about how to use light effectively. Light is a powerful method with which to work out issues in conflicts. When you put light on a situation, or a relationship, light finds a solution even though your mind has run out of ideas. Light is a tool of consciousness. It finds a solution that is best for both of you, not just one or the other.
You can do most of the work in problem-solving and communication in conflicts on the inner planes, where new words are spoken, and you will find that less work will need to be done on the personality level. This is an easier way to solve communication problems than traditional psychological approaches. This is a radical new method of affecting physical reality in a positive way. Since all beings are interconnected and made of the same stuff, this is why it is possible to communicate without words on the inner planes.
When using light to change a situation or relationship you do not have to understand how it works. All you need do is be willing for a shift to happen, especially in yourself. The other person may or may not respond to light, depending on how stubborn he or she is to stay in the dark. Some people refuse to shift, no matter what. In this case, you must be willing to let go of a positive resolution between you and the other person, and move on without an understanding on their part of your efforts to create a positive resolution. Sometimes what happens is that a resolution comes later, after-the-fact, after the "emotional charge" on the situation has dissipated. You might find that years later the light has finally done its work.
World peace cannot be had if peace cannot be made among individuals. You have probably heard the saying that "world peace begins with you." This is very true. The place to start using light is in your relationships, work, when conflicts happen, and situations where changes must be made in order for peace to manifest. Use all conflicts that come up as challenges to learn how to use light effectively. This is possible, and well within your reach.
The meditations in this course teach you how to work with light and love, finding spiritual ways to resolve conflicts. Use these tools whenever a conflict comes up to challenge your abilities to be love in the face of anger, hatred, and other negative emotions from others and from within. You are the source of love on a planet of many people who need love. Look no further for others to be the source of love, you are it. You can be the source of love by being rational and kind in the midst of conflicts. Communicate as a master would, in a way that you would like to be communicated with. You must be the first. Do not expect others to be the master, for they cannot. They can learn from you.
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Bibliography
Bennett-Goleman, Tara 2001 Emotional Alchemy. New York: Harmony Books, Random House, Inc.
Elgin, Suzette Haden, PhD. 1990 Staying Well With The Gentle Art of Self-Defense. Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey: Prentice Hall, Inc.
Gray, John 1997 Mars And Venus On A Date: A Guide To Navigating The 5 Stages To Creating A Loving And Lasting Relationship. New York: Harper Collins Publishers
Hwoschinksy, Carol 2004 "Healing Our World From The Inside Out," Sentient Times, Issue 13 (August/September): 16-17
Lieberman, David J., PhD. 2002 Make Peace With Anyone. New York: St. Martin's Press.
Peck, M. Scott, M.D. 1987 A Different Drum. New York: Simon and Schuster, Inc.
Pickering, Marisue 1986 "Communication," Explorations, A Journal of Research of the University of Maine, Issue 3 (Fall): 16-19
Rosenberg, Marshall B. 1999 Non-Violent Communication: A Language Of Compassion. Del Mar, CA: PuddleDancer Press.