Sex In Dreams
When sex occurs in a dream, it is not always about sex, according to Dr. Gayle Delaney in her book Sexual Dreams: Why We Have Them, What They Mean (1994). Sometimes sexual activity in dreams is more about intimacy in relationships with ourselves and others that may or may not have anything to do with sex. She says sometimes these dreams are directly about our sexual lives, though. “Our dreams about sexual matters offer us the chance to understand the effects of early conditioning and current conflicts in our sexual lives.” She goes on to say that, “having orgasms while dreaming is perfectly normal for both men and women. The Kinsey Institute estimates that forty percent of all women have had at least one nocturnal orgasm, with women in their forties having the highest rate… My clients and our students at the Dream Center have often commented that a number of their orgasmic dreams are lucid ones.”
Many people are embarrassed about having sexual dreams, but there really is no need for this. Sex is an integral part of being human. Sexual dreams can often lead us to understand our secret desires toward other people who we didn’t even know we were attracted to. Sometimes these sexual dreams are completely out of context with the social conduct of the waking world, but in the dream world, everything goes.
It is possible that dreams could offer many people who cannot access sexual encounters as readily as others. Many people live alone, or are single, or are dissatisfied with their partners sexual prowess, but don’t want to leave because they love their partners. Stephen LaBerge and Howard Rheingold suggest in their book Exploring the World Of Lucid Dreaming (1990), “...Lucid dreaming can provide a sexual outlet for people confined to prisons, working in isolation, or whose activities in waking life are limited by a physical handicap.”
Many dream therapists believe that sex is synonymous with our need for love. When sexual activities appear in dreams, love is really what we’re after. Gary K. Yamamoto says in his book Creative Dream Analysis (1988), “On a still deeper level, dreams of sex reveal our need for love. Love is such a necessary part of our lives that we spend a lot of time looking for it. It is the main theme of our movies, our music, our poetry, and even our dreams… We begin to equate sex with love. Sex is convenient. It is easily identified, measured and evaluated. Even in our language we substitute the word ‘love’ for ‘sex.’”