Healing
(This is an excerpt from a University Of Metaphysical Sciences course at www.umsonline.org,
please feel free to visit the school website)
Healing past traumatic events releases us from our blockages, allowing us to becoming whole and integrated individuals. Lazaris (1999) describes how these blockages color our perception: "Blockages are like steam on the bathroom mirror… they keep you from seeing yourself. Through the blurred image, your foggy shape becomes a scary monster and you run rather than clean the mirror. Do you hate yourself for a steamy mirror? Then, why do you hate yourself for your mental fog? You clean the mirror; you discover yourself." Healing past traumatic events is often a scary and daunting task, but Lazaris (1999) encourages that, "Everyone feels fear. Those with courage just act in spite of it… The greatest joy is the joy of healing… What was once the source of your pain can now be the resources of your success." Susan Vaughn, in her book, Journey To The Beloved (1996) illustrates the consequences of not taking the responsibility to heal, "Although shoving painful memories into your subconscious mind is a protective device that allows the child to survive traumatic events, if the memories aren't re-accessed and healed, the device that protected the child will kill the adult. Therefore, although you may not want to dredge up your childhood pain, it is imperative that you do so if you desire to cleanse your energy field of the toxic pain that creates disease." Bishop and Grunte (1992) define healing, "'Healing' means to restore to a healthy condition, to make sound, to reconcile. Inner Family Healing, then, means reconciling to one another the various Inner Children and the Grown-up that constitute the Inner Family in each of us, and restore a proper balance of roles in which the adult assumes responsibility for the Inner Children."
In order to fully heal, we must do two things:
- The traumatic events of the past caused by poor parenting, sibling rivalry, other adults who were immature, and other children and adolescents who abused us must be healed.
- We must take responsibility for our own immaturity and the ways that we hurt others and learn to consciously re-parent ourselves.
To heal the child and adolescent, we must go to them in trance, let them talk about their fears and frustrations and honor all of their emotions without judgment, as Vaughn (1996) states, "In order to heal, you must go back to the time and space, when and where the pollution [painful experiences] was put into the steam of your consciousness and heal it there." Then, the true adult self must re-parent them wisely with accurate information about reality creation. They must do this by building rapport, never by shaming the child. You build rapport by understanding how and why the child was the way he/she was and not blaming them for their immaturity. Hating yourself is not going to heal the inner child. It will only antagonize it and cause it to act out more.
In child/adolescent rescue work, we must address survival issues, issues of value, and/or issues of adequacy in every traumatic incident of our past. We must also help them create principles and values that foster personal power. Once we give the child and adolescent within us permission to be what they are, without expecting or needing them to be different, they will feel accepted and loved. Vaughn (1996) explains, "After rescue work comes bonding and healing. Bonding is an experience of genuine, deep, unconditional love." Once they feel accepted and loved, they won't wreak havoc in our adult lives any more.
We come here to learn our life's lesson, live our purpose and become authentic adults. It is obvious by now why this doesn't happen. Very few children are adequately prepared for life by conscious, knowledgeable, mature, aware and wise adults. The unconsciousness of the parent is handed down to the child, who hands it down to their child. This is why no one is to blame for his or her problems, and also why we are all responsible for repairing the damage. Part of healing is recognizing that every experience (even the excruciatingly painful ones) serves to guide us on our life journey. As Lazaris says, "Everything in life is a reflection of something your Higher Self or Soul are trying to tell you about love." This is not to say that painful experiences were necessary, they were not, and as we learn to create our own realities as mature adults, we learn to grow through love instead of pain. In this way we can forgive the person who appears as the perpetrator of our past pain. We forgive not because it gives the perpetrator some sort of absolution, but because it lets us out of prison. Those who are stuck in the past, holding onto grievances, see their past experience through the eyes of the child they were when it happened, not the eyes of a true adult who sees a bigger picture. When we forgive, we move through the experience and on with our journey. Do not underestimate the power of forgiveness as Lazaris expresses, "Your scientists cannot measure nor imagine the immensity of its power... The force of forgiveness is no less. It can change you and your reality. And it will change the world." We do not have to forgive the act (as sometimes acts are unforgivable), but we can forgive the person as an immature soul struggling to find his or her own journey. Blame will not solve the problem but produces victims. In reality, we are each empowered to live the lives we choose, and with this empowerment comes the responsibility to create that life. Once we become conscious, and compassionately understand our history and that of our parents, we can stop judging ourselves. It is this that will allow us to heal. Bishop and Grunte (1992) explain that, "the key is educating the Grown-up to:
- Maintain positive emotional contact with each of the Inner Children.
- Communicate with these Inner Children to discern their needs.
- Meet the Inner Children's needs in appropriate ways.
When the Grown-up performs all these tasks, a person becomes capable of empowered living - that is, living in the present - because one has forgiven others, the past, and all the Inner Children. Only then do we take full responsibility for ourselves and our actions." Once we have healed ourselves of our immaturity, we must break negative behavior patterns that we have been using since childhood and adolescence. Bishop and Grunte (1992) call this the Family Spell: "To a greater or lesser extent, all of us superimpose the experience of past relationships over present ones. We then activate the emotional reactions, assumptions, and behaviors that we believe helped us survive those early relationships." In order to break the Family Spell three things are needed:
- An understanding of the Family Spell and what keeps it in place.
- A vision of what life could be like without the Spell.
- A systematic way to implement that new vision.
Bishop and Grunte (1992) go on to state, "The Family Spell is a mental/emotional construction that replicates the structure and dynamics of power and love relationships as they evolved in our families." These patterns are neuronally programmed in our brains. However we are not imprisoned in our brain/bodies. We are spiritual beings with a will of our own who have the capacity to reprogram our minds consciously so that we can begin to see all things differently. Once we reprogram our mind, the very landscape of our brain changes accordingly for our neural pathways reconfigure themselves. Bishop and Grunte (1992) explain, "Developing a clear vision of what we want to become is the first step along the way to getting or becoming what we want…" Once we see things differently, we create a reality that heals us instead of one that destroys us. This may seem like an overwhelming and scary task, but we are not alone. We have a higher self, Angels, and guides who can help us, and as Bishop and Grunte (1992) encourage us to do, "Trust your inner experience… Assume that what you hear or see or feel is valid, even if it doesn't seem to make sense or you think you're making it up."