Integrating Our Negative Emotions
(This is an excerpt from a University Of Metaphysical Sciences course at www.umsonline.org, please feel free to visit the school website)
Becoming increasingly aware of our emotional patterns and how they hinder us in intimate relationships is a good start to creating better unions, and it is important to be conscious of how we suppress our negative emotions. However, once we have become more aware of our feelings and begin to explore their roots, we need to learn tools for integrating them. It is important to know how to process and integrate our emotions by ourselves as well as with our partner to keep from projecting them.
In Emotional Clearing (1993) John Ruskan outlines how to work with and integrate powerful emotions in such a way that we can break down the process. Following is a simplified outline of his recommendations:
Awareness
intellectual function
Stay in the present moment
Identify and feel the feeling(s)
Own your experience without self-blame
Acceptance
mental function
Open to the feelings
Accept yourself and your feelings as you are
Identify how you reject yourself
Open to self-compassion
Direct Experience
body function
Enter the feeling without resistance, analysis or blame
Identify where feelings are stored in the body
Meditate for insight on past unresolved issues directly related
Incorporate breath work or movement to accentuate body consciousness
Transformation
spiritual function
Cultivate the higher “Observer” perspective
Intend unconditional self-acceptance only
Bring in higher healing energies to balance
Trust and open to transformation through Love
The power of this integration process is contingent on an important truth: if we do not identify with the negative aspects of self, then we can more easily move into the Observer, (or the Witness) which is representative of the Higher Self in us. As we stop the identification with conditions that are negative, it does not mean that we do not allow them to exist in our consciousness. However, by not identifying with them we can experience the negative conditions with love as opposed to judgment. In Emotional Clearing (1993) John Ruskan states, “We feel as if we are “being with” the condition, in the moment, instead of being the condition.” This helps to create space around it and makes it more possible for us to keep moving forward with the process. As well, he indicates that integration can take time, and we need to be patient. The rewards for this will be great, for he reminds us in his writings, “Each time an incident is successfully integrated, you will feel the results. Your boundaries will have expanded. You will gain more freedom…you will not be moved as easily to react to or be motivated by negative patterns.” In terms of relationships, the integration of negative patterns helps us to see more clearly and objectively how we interact with our partners. We are able to understand their perspective more easily, as well as to focus on the positive side of an occurrence. Situations can therefore be spontaneously reframed, which essentially means the ability to perceive them for their positive growth potential.
Doing inner work on ourselves as outlined above helps us lay the groundwork for creating enlightened intimate relationships. As we investigate new ways of being, taking an existing relationship to a higher level of enlightenment requires that intentions be set to that effect. As well, we must make certain meaningful agreements with our partners. These are the primary tasks for such a grand venture, and it is a choice that opens up opportunities we have not conceived of. The difference is that our intentions are focused toward creating and exchanging more positive energy than ever before, enlivening the relationship beyond expectation. After intentions have been deliberately set, making agreements is fairly straightforward: essentially, it consists of our partner consciously agreeing to follow what has been intended. The form that these intentions might take is illustrated below.
Use transformation to increase your self awareness. Negative emotions block acceptance mindfulness. Start change for a total transformation. Mindfulness and awareness can help with acceptance in your relationship. Find self acceptance in a transformation program. Total acceptance is a positive energy for the self. New advice about everything in an art program.