Exercises
(This is an excerpt from a University Of Metaphysical Sciences course at www.umsonline.org, please feel free to visit the school website)
Self-Acceptance
One practice that comes from the Buddhist tradition is to accept and be
with ourselves through any feelings that arise. In Radical Acceptance
(2003), Tara Brach encourages us to pause whenever a strong emotion
arises and take notice to the feelings in our bodies without judgment. Awareness
can be heightened through naming what we feel. We might become angry, pause,
and notice, “I feel a compression in my chest, burning, contraction
in my face, the thought that this will not help…” We open ourselves
to our experiences instead of closing ourselves down through distractions
or thoughts of inadequacy. In doing this, we accept ourselves as we are,
which makes room for then coming to love ourselves. Margot Anand tells us
in The Art of Everyday Ecstasy (1998), “When you accept yourself,
you begin to recognize how lovable you actually are. You begin to hear the
voice of your heart, your inner lover who will tell you that life is on
your side supporting you, teaching you, helping you grow.” (77)
Connecting With Love In All Situations
Allow your mind to focus on your heart center. Take a few deep breaths into
your chest. Now imagine a light at the core of this center. What does this
light look like? Is it clouded over or shining clearly? What color is it?
Now allow your focus to move to your breath. As you breathe in, focus on
the energy of the air flowing into the light in your heart center. Visualize
each breath expanding the light in your heart. Take several breaths focusing
only on the expansion of this light. Then, as you breathe out, allow the
light of your heart to expand to each of your other chakras, through your
body, and your aura. Imagine the love energy flowing out of you wherever
you go and in whatever situations arise. You can be in this state of love
during all times. It is a matter of re-learning to open your heart in all
situations. Come back to this state frequently to allow it to become a new
pattern of being for you.
Practicing
Loving-Kindness
Tara Brach tells us in Radical Acceptance (2003), “The quality
of tenderness and love and goodwill that naturally awakens in us in response
to seeing goodness is known in Buddhism as metta, or loving-kindness.
While loving-kindness is intrinsic to who we are, it can also be cultivated
through a refined set of practices that have been passed down in an unbroken
line of teachings over the past twenty-five hundred years.” (266)
To awaken loving-kindness within ourselves, we can begin by remembering
our basic goodness. We may remember a moment that we were kind to another,
when we were a child, or perhaps imagine how we would be viewed by a compassionate
being such as the Buddha, Jesus, or Kwan Yin. In practicing meta, we first
offer loving-kindness to ourselves. We can choose a few phrases such as,
“May I be happy. May I be filled with loving-kindness. May I feel
peace. May my heart open to love.” After offering these prayers of
well-being toward ourselves, we may feel unauthentic or restless. Tara Brach
encourages us to continue practicing metta toward ourselves. We can then
widen our circle of love to say prayers of well-being to those in our lives
that we love, then those that we feel neutral toward, those who we don’t
care for, and finally to all beings.
Practical Application Of Unconditional Love In Families And Other
Intentional Circles
Make a commitment to accepting each family member exactly as they are, not
requiring them to change anything, but recognizing the bright spark residing
within them, and relating to that.
Make a commitment to witnessing and appreciating differences and uniqueness,
and realizing the gifts that each family member brings to the whole.
Make a commitment to forgive mistakes, recognizing that actions are not
always perfect, but the light within, the essence of the person, is always
deserving of love, compassion, and forgiveness. Most importantly, forgive
yourself first, for this softens the heart and makes it truly possible to
forgive others.
Make a commitment to listening. Inherent in true listening is the tuning
in to deeper communications, to the souls longing and desire to give free
expression to the unique self. Authentic listening allows the listener and
the communicator to be transported into a dimension of oneness, to experience
greater truth together. This is essential in a truly successful family,
especially one with young adults who are waking up to their own understandings
of truth.
Make a commitment to peace within the family, and within this, a commitment
to non-violence. Choose to create a loving, supportive, expansive environment
in which family members are encouraged to be fully themselves, free from
fear of judgment, control, or loss of personal power.
Make a commitment to showing up for yourself within the family, to expressing
your own uniqueness and pursuing your own dreams, becoming a living example
for all to do the same.
Make a commitment to truth and transparency within the family. With nothing
to hide, we allow others around us to trust and be vulnerable as well.
Make a commitment to admitting to your mistakes, and doing your best to
make amends for them. This also gives others permission to do the same.
Make a commitment to having regular family meetings, in which concerns are
addressed, dreams and goals shared, and family plans made. Make sure and
use all of the above applications in your family meetings.
Make a commitment to let all family members have a chance to be leaders,
teachers, and initiators. This allows everyone’s gifts to shine. Allow
all, even (especially!) the youngest members to make family plans and decide
on the goals and directions of the whole. This insures a balanced and supportive
environment for all to thrive in. This also insures adults will get some
time to play, and young children will get the chance to share responsibility,
so everyone will feel more balanced.
Make a commitment to upholding the truth that the family is a bright, swirling,
beautiful creative expression of unconditional, pure, divine love.
Make a commitment to be fully present to enjoy this miracle!