Love & Relationships
(This is an excerpt from a University Of Metaphysical Sciences course at www.umsonline.org, please feel free to visit the school website)
“To
love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.”—David
Viscott
Loving relationships give us the opportunity to grow in many ways. We expand our sense of love, compassion, and self as we step into an intimate relationship with another. When we speak of “falling in love,” we speak of the experience of coalescing our energies with another, allowing an opening of the heart chakra, and experiencing this spiritual state of bliss. When this happens, it creates a major shift in consciousness and often turns our lives upside down. We may lose our appetites, have little need for sleep, smile all the time, and have the experience of “living on love.” These experiences are the same as those reported by many yogis and mystics, who are naturally drawn into constant commune with God. The attraction we feel to others has roots in the attraction to returning to this natural state of bliss.
While we can come to a loving relationship with our own ego desires, we can also be in a state of surrender and service to the Divine. In this second way of being in relationship with others, we surrender our ego’s desires and focus on spiritual growth. We focus on each person being a manifestation of God, and with this, our service to others is service to the Divine One. This kind of love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. When we are giving unconditional love, we are not disappointed, angry or hurt if we receive nothing in return because our concern is for them. In The Path To Love (1998), Deepak Chopra states, “The final fruit of surrender is ecstasy: when you can let go of all selfish attachments, when you trust that love really is at the core of your nature, you feel complete peace.”
To join with another being in a relationship is an opportunity to expand the depths of love to include infinity. When partners recognize each other as one with infinity, the love they share becomes a spiritual gateway into enlightened awareness. Relationships expressed in this way automatically become unconditional in their love. If we view each other as divine it is impossible for any action to be seen as un-divine. In this way we can learn to love each other as perfect immortal units of Spirit.
The application of this awareness in relationships can be a daily practice. Relationships provide us with mirrors of our inner worlds. Anything that we feel toward our partners reflects an energy that is present within our own consciousness. By going within through meditation or time alone, we can tune into what is at the core of our feelings that arise in relationships. In doing so, we become clearer on what areas of ourselves are calling for attention and how we can grow spiritually. Clarity allows love to flow with greater ease to ourselves and our partners. It often comes through times of stillness and higher awareness. If we apply awareness to our interactions with our partners, we can be present with the feelings that emerge within ourselves and aware of moments when we need to breathe, take some time alone, or genuinely express what we are feeling.
We can help each other to open our heart chakras through sending each other love. It is important to become aware of what makes you and your partner feel loved because we each have our own individual definitions of what feels loving. When we understand and speak from our partners’ dialects of love, we can send them love in the way that they are best able to receive it. This helps relationships to be emotionally fulfilling for each person. It holds true for our relationships with ourselves as well. When we know how to support and love ourselves, we can more fully take in the love of others as an additional love in our lives, rather than as a need.
In The Five Love Languages (1992), Gary Chapman says that there are five ways to communicate love to another. These are: “Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.” Words of affirmations are kind, encouraging words of appreciation. Quality time includes communicating in a way that the other really feels genuinely listened to and also spending time together with a focused attention. The activity becomes the vehicle to enjoy each other’s company. Receiving gifts is about the concept of giving. The gift is the symbol that you were thought of and remembered. It is a visual symbol of love. Acts of service are doing things that another likes you to do. The last language is physical touch, which is a bonding way to communicate love.
A wonderful approach to brining unconditional love into relationships is
to set intentions or perform rituals with our partners. In these times,
we can affirm our aspirations in the relationship. We may say, for example,
“I desire for each of us to feel complete within ourselves and be
balanced in our own masculine and feminine energies. I desire for each of
us to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in our relationship together.”
This can be repeated whenever we have challenges that arise in our relationships
and can be used for any type of relationship that we have. Stating our highest
intentions for having healthy, authentic relationships sets a tone for ourselves
and others to act from the heart.